Well That Didn't Work

A BRIEF PAUSE FROM MY REALITY
My reality isn't. What I mean is that the world I'm living in now, my reality, is actually not real...I've been pretending that nothing that happened last week actually happened. I stopped calling home for updates about my mom...she's not actually sick, everything's fine. If I think that way long enough, and keep my mind focused on my work, that will become truth. Dennis doesn't exist; he lived only in an amazing dream I once had...an amazing, wonderful dream. I know I've been writing little bits about him on this site, but the truth is, I've really not been thinking about him (you can confirm that by reading any of the entries I've made since I got back to school on Saturday) as much as I've wanted to. I won't let myself...I'm ignoring the desire to think about him, to accept what has happened. Still, I can't shake the feeling that this is all wrong.

You know what's funny? Dennis is going to have a real easy time getting a new girlfriend when he wants one because of me (not that I'll have problems finding a boyfriend--a fact that has become apparent over the course of the last few days, but no less...) According to him, I made him less shy; he wouldn't approach people and start a conversation before, he'd only talk if someone else approached him. Now, he's confident enough to ask someone out. In addition, while I loved him to death at the beginning of our relationship and found him extremely attractive, the boy has cleaned himself up over the last couple months due, in large part, to me. He's much more attractive now than he was 20 months ago and I don't even get to enjoy it. : o ( I was the one that encouraged him to use his acne medication and I helped him pick out his new clothes for school (he wanted to look more collegiate for school, I didn't just decide to dress him up.) He's now a confident, extremely attractive guy on the loose across town. He'll have no problem getting a new girlfriend. Even though I can find a new boyfriend, I truly believe that I'll never find a guy as wonderful as Dennis...as perfect for me. *Thinks reflectively,* he's such an amazing person. This is so wrong. I know him...he'll be ready for his random hook-up soon and if he's going canvassing in Florida this weekend like he wanted to, he'll have the perfect opportunity. I've really changed my attitudes on things relevant to my mood and my desire to have fun since I've gotten here...I wish he could see that. He'd always wanted me to loosen up...he'd like this and it would make our relationship stronger than it was before. God, this is all wrong...

Ok, back to my reality...I really am doing well (I am, in actuality, alright) because everything's fine.
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