Well That Didn't Work

A DAY OF REFLECTION
3:00PM
If you haven't noticed (judging by my past few entries,) April is a month of reflection for me. Despite the gorgeous weather (I spent the whole day outside on Tuesday just basking in the sun and playing whiffle ball and frisbee with friends-activities which I shall have to post about later,) I hate the month of April. In my experience, only bad things happen in April. For example, my dog, Parlay-the most amazing dog ever- died April 3rd, 2001, my bird Sunshine died April 20th, 2003, another one of my family's dogs, Ridglea, died April 21st last year, my mom's last cancer surgery was last April, Dennis got his stupid makeover that changed everything last April...regardless...April seems to have become a month of reflection, but little clarity for me.

I started wondering this afternoon if my recent (somewhat) obsession with the past stems from a fear of looking forward. I mean, I ache for a new relationship, but I would take the relationship I had over a new one even if I (somehow) knew the new one would be just as good. That doesn't necessarily mean I'm scared of starting something new, mind you. The point is, I'd like to say I'm scared of the future, but the truth is, I'm not; the future is all that keeps me going most of the time. I'm looking forward to it, I only wish it would get here faster.

I wrote an entry a while back on the existence of happiness. In the entry, I wrote that happiness is always in the future, awaiting you. When do get there? Someone asked me yesterday if could be anywhere, where I would be. I answered "on a beach in a country where they've never seen a telephone," but what I was thinking was "on a beach wrapped in the arms of my new husband on our honeymoon." Don't worry guys, lol, I'm not seeking marriage out of my next relationship (whenever that is,) I'm just looking for something genuine, if that makes sense.

It's times like these that I wished I believed in God, if only so that I could pretend to think that it will all work out.

8:00PM
Adi met this guy late last night while smoking hookah out in the amphitheatre. Apparently, they hit it off right away and stayed up all night talking...he's going to ask her out, no question. She's practically giddy. I'm so happy for her; I am sincerely and genuinely happy for her. I care about Adi so much, she's probably the closest friend I've ever had and seeing her happy makes me happy, well...happier than I would be otherwise anyway.

10:00PM
Adi brought Dave (the guy) by my room while I was working on a micro paper (my workload for the week,) I'm fairly certain for my blessing. He seems nice enough. Anyway, while we were all talking, I loaded this page and showed Adi the pictures that Dennis had sent me earlier. She started telling Dave about how my "ex boyfriend was a douche," etc. When I contested, she asked Hannah (my roommate who neither of us are really friends with) if she thought Dennis was an ass; she agreed she thought he was, quite strongly I might add. I really wish that people that didn't know Dennis wouldn't pass judgment. He hurt me a considerable amount, yes, but he's not a bad person. I wouldn't have dated him if he was. Adi keeps saying she hates him, but if she knew him, I think they'd actually get along extraordinarily well.

3:00AM
Adi and Dave left at 11:30 and I spent the following 30 minutes writing that econ paper I'd attempted to start an hour and half earlier. When I finished, I called my friend Matt (for clarity since I know at least 3 Matts, Matt L, a Delt pledge) to see if he still wanted to do something-he'd called earlier, but I had that paper to read for. Anyway, we went out on the quad and just sat and talked and stargazed for a while (no you can't really see any stars;) it was nice. Adi joined us later, I introduced them and we resumed our conversation, this time, with Adi, who had come to the quad to invite me (as well as Matt) to join her, Dave (not the Dave that eventually did ask Adi out, our friend Dave from the 7th floor,) Dave's girlfriend Ashley, Alex and an acquaintance, Julia, to smoke hookah in the amphitheatre. By the time we got there, the hookah was gone, but we chilled with them for a while anyway.

Each year, AU gets a $1,000,000 donation from an alum to be used solely for the upkeep of the landscaping on campus. I know, it sounds ridiculous (my first day here, the flowers outside my dorm were orange, on the third, they were dug up and replaced with purple ones--yeah, "Wtf?!" was my response too) but it's true. This time of year our campus is amazing... everything is in bloom. To my point: there were thousands of daffodils in the amphitheatre so Adi and I eached picked a bouquet of them...trust me, given the amount of daffodils planted in that relatively small area, the ones will picked will hardly be missed. Mine are currently in a vase placed atop one of my stereo speakers.

Probably the most significant event of the night, however, was right after Adi and I had finished picking flowers. Adi asked me to join her for dinner at Chipotle tomorrow night and offered me a bite of her burrito. If you don't know Adi, you don't see how that's a big deal, but it is. Adi doesn't share food (she actually broke one of her friends' noses for taking food off of her plate,) especially her Chipotle (a favorite of not only Adi, but most everyone on campus) EVER. For her to offer someone a bite of her burrito is comparable to a wedding proposal. I teased that her offer meant we were non-romantic life partners; she laughed. I don't know if any of you will get it, but the fact that Adi offered me a bite of her burrito made me feel extremely loved. It's awesome to know that Adi considers me as close as I consider her.

Ok, I have class in 6 hours and I need to get some sleep for it. G'night. Comments ()

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