Well That Didn't Work

WELL, IT'S A STEP IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION
So, I've definitively decided that I want a career in psychology, despite having not taken a single course in the discipline; now all I've gotta do is figure out how. I refer you back to the first sentence of this entry, note how there is no mention of a chosen major (not yet.) The decision comes down to how masochistic I am. Confused yet? Good. Ya, I'll explain.

Basically, I have two choices, psychology and psychiatry. The latter of the two requires medical school, medical school requires that I be in the pre-med program while in undergraduate school (i.e. here,) the pre-med program requires I take Biology I, Biology II, Genetics, Chemistry I, Chemistry II, Organic Chemistry I, Organic Chemistry II, University Physics I, University Physics II, Calculus I, and Calculus II, all of which require a background in science...which I don't have...hence, the very idea of me attempting to be in such a program is masochistic. So, why the hell do I want to do it? Promise not to hit me?

No, you have to promise.

I mean it...

..besides wanting to help people, the added monetary benefits of being a doctor, and the general interest I have in those subjects, I want the challenge. Hey, you promised! The only thing is, there's a difference between a challenge and suicide. It won't even end after all of those courses! If I make it past those classes, I have to get through med-school and then a residency...the next 12 years of my life. God help me, I'm insane.

I'm getting very mixed opinions on the matter from those I've consulted. A few have called me suicidal, a few have been timidly encouraging (as if to say, it's your funeral, but it's not my life so feel free to fuck it up,) but I like Jeff's response the best. I told him I was worried that I didn't have the ability, the skills I'd need, to pull it off. Jeff's response: "You're kidding me, right? You're the definition of 'if you set your mind to it.'" : o )

I called my mom and talked to her about it for a little while. I'd really missed talking to my mother; when I was younger, we'd talk for hours, but as I got older, I talked more to friends and boyfriends than to her...it's a normal thing, I suppose...As usual, I digress. I called my mom to ask for her opinions on the matter. She talked to me about how it would be really difficult, how I'd never really had the background, how she thought I only had a mild interest in the sciences, how med-school would be backbreaking, but how she would be very happy for me (and proud of me) if I went to medical school, that she knows how much I want to push myself, that if I wanted to pursue it, she certainly wouldn't stop me and that it would be extremely rewarding in the end. "Amy has a great life," she kept saying.

My mom is a nanny at the moment; she takes care of an adorable set of twins named Katie and Alex. Their mother is an optomotrist, named Amy...very nice woman. Anyway, Amy works half days on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays and full days on Tuesdays and Thursdays, lives in an amazing house, has an amazing family, etc. She worked her ass off to become a doctor, but she helps kids everyday, makes a lot of money, and loves what she does. Amy does have a great life.

So that's where I stand...having chosen a field is a step in the right direction, isn't it?

Oh, please leave comments, I could use people's opinions/advice on this. Comments ()
SMITTEN AS A SCHOOL GIRL
I went to a Delta Tau Delta party with Adi on Friday night. Mitch is the vice president of the fraternity and, through him and his floormate and brother (and a friend of mine,) Frank, I know a good number of the Delts. As my readers ought to know by now, I'm not really the partying type, but the Delt parties aren't like the parties of some of the other fraternities on campus; they are much more social events that drinking binges (not that there isn't excessive drinking at the Delt shindigs.) Point is, I have a lot of friends in that fraternity (Joe, Frank, Matt, Mitch, etc, etc.) so I decided I'd go with Adi to one of their parties and just chill with a bunch of them.

Anyway, before we went to the party, Adi brought me along with her to meet two of her guy friends for drinks. She did so because she wanted me to meet one of them, thought we'd hit it off.

I hate it when she's right. (Ok, so I don't, really)

He was really nice and really smart and super sweet. Nothing's happened yet, but Adi's going on and on about how she was right and how happy she'd be if the two of us went out. It's so cute. We'll see; I don't want to get my hopes up. I don't know what he's thinking and he's considerably older than me, but as the title of this entry suggests, I was quite taken by him...

: o ) Comments ()
WHAT DO YOU GET WHEN YOU SLIDE HALF AN ORANGE DOWN A SLOPE?
Pulp friction. Yeah, my physics professor isn't funny. Well, so much for writing only when I have something to say. Here I am, bored in physics (a class in which I am currently pulling a C) yet again, so I've (regrettably) gone back to writing to entertain myself.

Let me think, what's new? 1. I have a microeconomics midterm in an hour, which I'd like to be studying for right now because I'm going to fail, but I'm fairly confident that my physics professor would be adverse to me pulling out my micro text during her lecture. 2. Adi and I are officially roomies for next year. Yay! We'll be living in Frank, Phil, and Rob's current room, 725, next door to Zak. I'm quite excited about it despite the fact that a good number of my friends on the seventh (Kate, Lindsey, Rob, Alex, Mitch, John, Dave, etc.) will not be living there in the fall. Adi's still awesome and the floor with still kick ass. 3. Ooh, my mom is coming to visit me in a few weeks! Quality girl time is much needed and shall be greatly appreciated. For the record, my mother has never been the reason I dislike going home; that reason is almost always my father.

Yup, that's it. Like I said, I was just bored in physics. Comments ()
ADI'S RIGHT, I DO STILL ACT LIKE DENNIS IS MY BOYFRIEND
Through conversation with an aquaintance, I learned that there had been a fire in one of GW's dorm buildings. My first response? "Oh my God. What dorm was it? Was it Lafayette, because Dennis lives in Lafayette?! God, I hope he's alright." I really must still be in love with him; I promised I always would...the cruel irony. I digress, I must truly love him...because I wouldn't worry this much about someone I didn't truly love. Comments ()
I WILL NOT TAKE STEPS BACKWARDS
I went through the archives of this site after finishing my homework this evening. I'm disappointed with myself; I swore I wouldn't let my blog become a "today I went to the movies with..." piece of *&%# but it has. I used to only write when I had something to say, something whitty, insightful, important. Now I write out of boredom...nearly every day. I'm going to try to go back to writing only when I have something of value to say; I mean, the typically numerous happenings of my daily life always found their way into my entries anyway, but the entries were firstly personal musings, off-beat observations, etc, not a day-by-day diary. They were clever, and I was even lucky enough to get a Pakistani pen-pal out of it. (Speaking of which, I should email her, I haven't heard from her in a while.) Anyway, that's it for now, no need to write unnecessary drivel...*mumble* not that I don't have the time. Comments ()
I CAN'T GET AWAY FROM MYSELF
I don't think a shoulder to cry on is really so much to ask. Comments ()
DEAR EVERYONE,
I'm so sorry. I'm sorry I've become so selfish. It's just, I used to be as selfless as I possibly could and I kept getting hurt; I didn't know what to do, so I became more guarded, more self-protective, and thus, most selfish. I didn't take care of people because I was taking care of myself, my health. I'm sorry, I know that my explanation doesn't excuse my actions. I'm sorry if I blew anyone off. I'm sorry if I hurt anyone's feelings.

I don't like who I'm becoming.

It turns out though, that I'm hurting now just the same as I was when I was being as selfless as I could, only I've hurt people. I'm sorry. I won't let myself become someone I can't stand, I won't, I promise. Comments ()
MAJOR # 8,578,942
Well, I survived the ides of March. I hadn't received any predictions from a soothsayer, so I figured as much. Today's major of interest is computer science. I wish. I could do anything with that. I could work anywhere from Disney to the NSA and there's a lot of room for new discovery...i.e. I could use my abilities to their full potential, I could come up with that one, truly original idea I so badly seek. It would be perfect, would be. I just don't have the abilities-Calculus I, Calculus II, Linear Algebra-it'd certainly be a challenge, that's for damn sure. I have been looking for a real challenge for quite a while. Still, I don't think I could do it. How great would it be though?

It would be wonderful. Comments ()
JUST A SIDE NOTE
Everything in my life is a contradiction it seems. I'm going crazy. All my work is easy, and yet, I'm struggling. I want a new relationship, and yet, I'm still not over Dennis. What the hell is the matter with me!?! Comments ()
BEWARE THE IDES OF MARCH
I got home safely, nobody stole me. Lol. My sister and I used to say that to our mother when we called her from friends' houses after school to assure her we were alright. Everyone's been asking about how London was. My answer: British. Nah, London was amazing.

So what's new with everyone else? A lot and nothing on my end. Only a few things are going on environmentally in my life, but my mind is racing like always. Let me lay it out for you.

Environmental
I'm going home this weekend;my mom wants to see me. Strangely enough, I'm not dreading it. Weird.

Guys...arghhh! I've got Adi and my mother both pestering me about why I'm single. Meanwhile, here I am still obsessing over Dennis (whom I'm still genuinely worried about) with no glimpse of escape (does that make sense?) in sight. As I've written here before, I have two ways of handling problems: 1. Fixing them. 2. Ignoring them until they are no longer important-Dennis will no longer be important when I meet someone new, someone truly special. Adi tells me I've been turning away great guys, like Conrad, etc. Well, add another two to the mix. Jeff told me he loved me, really loved me while I was in London. I'm not sure how to take that, honestly. Frankly, I'm a bit creeped out-he barely knows me. I mean, is it just me or what? Oh, and last night, my friend Joe kissed me; I don't know quite what to do with that either. Joe is one of Mitch's fraternity brothers. I'm probably reading too much into that one. Anyway, I'm just waiting for the right guy. Why start a relationship with anyone else? I've said it before and I'll say it again: it's not about finding a date, it's about finding someone you want to date.

Plans for the summer. I'm hoping to tend bar at a night club in Manhattan this summer. My mom's worried about me taking the subway late at night, but she'll get over it. Bartenders make a lot of money, up to a few hundred a night. I'm hoping if I tend bar all summer and next fall, I'll be able to buy a car (used, obviously.) I mean, a used [red] Jetta is usually less that $10,000 and I already have $6,000 saved up. I love driving (and I'd be able to drive to a job in Virginia next year) so I really hope it works out.

Me and my crazies.
I've been seriously undermotivated, not that that's anything new. It's taking a tremendous toll on me.

I'm registering for classes on the 28th and I still have no clue what I want to major in. If I had the opportunity, I think I'd like to take five, rather eclectic courses next semester-Comp. Sci, Psych, History, etc. to figure out what I want to study. Here's my problem (among a million others:) I have big dreams and big potential. I want to make a difference in the world, I want to do something academic, I want to use the potential I know I have in me somewhere, I need to. I really do...I wish I could just figure out how.

I can't even follow my thoughts anymore, I'm going so crazy quick.

Ok, that's it for now. Comments ()
GOD HELP ME
I'm still in love with Dennis. Comments ()
MY LAST DAY IN LONDON
What a way to end the week. Jeff took me to see The Phantom of the Opera at Her Majesty's Theatre, where the show originally opened. I loved every minute of it. Comments ()
THE BIBLE, THE GREATEST STORY EVER TO BE ACCEPTED AS FACT or THURSDAY IN LONDON
Today found me at the Tower of London.

The 11 pound ($22.00) admission was well worth it; it was absolutely fascinating. I'm going to have to buy some books on the history of England when I go home. You know, the more I study history, the more I believe I was born in the wrong time period, far too late. Sometimes I think I only study it in the hopes of actually being there, which I (obviously) know can not be.

I think I'd like to live here one day. Besides the dreary weather, I quite like it here. Perhaps this is where I'll study abroad. Here or Rome, both history rich places. God, I love to learn. Alex says the reason people think I never have any fun is because they don't understand that learning is fun to me.

Anyway, I stayed in the tower until in closed when I went to meet Jeff for dinner and yet another show, The Bible: the Complete Word of God, Abridged by, you guessed it, The Reduced Shakespeare Company. It was brilliant. Among the top ten commandments that didn't make it onto the tablets: 8. Thou shalt go to thy son's wedding, even if it is his second and he's marrying a horse (Prince Charles and Camilla.) 6. The Christian right shall be neighther truly Christian or right. 4. Mind the gap. It was great. Comments ()
WEDNESDAY IN LONDON

I went to St. Paul's Cathedral today!

And the Globe Theatre.

And the natural history museum.

Oh, and I also saw the Tate Museum of Modern Art and the National Galleries in Trafalagar Square:

St. Paul's was cool, but I wish I could have learned more about it. The Globe was a genuine disappointment because it's just a reconstruction and it's not even in the same location as the original (there's an apartment complex there instead.) What's worse is that the tour consisted of information not about the original theater or Shakespeare, but the reconstructed theater and the performances they'll be putting on this summer. Oh well. The Tate was what modern art typically is: crap, but the National Galleries were amazing. DaVinci, Michelangelo, etc...ahh...it was lovely.

Comments ()
TUESDAY IN LONDON

I went to the London Zoo today!

And to Westminster Abbey.

And to Downing Street.

Oh, and I saw another RSC production, The Complete History of America, Abridged. It was good, but not nearly as good as The Complete Works of William Shakespeare, Abridged was.

Comments ()
LONDON (SORRY, I'M FAR TO EXHAUSTED TO THINK OF SOMETHING MORE CLEVER)
12:00pm
I am currently sitting on the front steps of the British Museum and thought I have yet to set foot inside, I find myself completely dumbfounded and nearly speechless. I am at the site of the holy grail of history.

11:00pm
I still cannot believe I'm in Europe! I feel as though I'm dreaming. Today was the first day of my trip that I was out on my own. (Jeff and I wandered around Harrod's department store and saw a show [a wonderful production by the RSC-that's Reduced Shakespeare Company] on Saturday and meandered through the city and explored the Westminster area on Sunday.) It was delightful, being away from the states, from cell phones, from normalcy. I really enjoy traveling alone. I haven't had quality time to myself in a long time. Besides that, I get more information and can devote myself more to study-I have yet to find someone who enjoys leaning as much as I, but if/when I do, I shall greatly desire their company-when I explore on my own. I feel independent rather than like a child. But I digress.

As I wrote earlier, I went to the British Museum this afternoon and almost broke into tears. It was incredible. I'd wanted to go since I heard of its existence 8 years ago. I have a new happy place: the museum's reading room. I really wish I could simply move in there for a while and read everyday. Anyway, I'd planned on spending half the day at the museum and half the day at Trafalagar Square viewing the national gallery, but I didn't leave the museum until it closed at 5:30 and by then, I imagined the gallery would be closed.

Since I wasn't planning on meeting Jeff for dinner until 7:30, I went to Covent Gardens (a lovely shopping area on the Picadilly Line) to look around for a while, despite my significant shortage of money. The exchange rate between dollars and pounds is roughly 2 to 1...it's quite expensive here.

Anyway, I'm exhausted, but I'll leave you with this:

More pictures to come, I promise. : o ) G'night all.

Comments ()
LOOK OUT LONDON, HERE I COME
I'm going to London, wOo hOo! By the way, Mikey, notice how I'm NOT complaining about the fact that I'll be leaving campus at 5:30 in the morning...ehem! Not much has happened since I last posted, so I'd best be off. I just wanted to say I'm going to London tomorrow! Comments ()

Contact Me