Well That Didn't Work

STARGAZING
It amazes me how something as seemingly small and insignificant as the glow-in-the-dark stars on my ceiling can revive so many memories I once thought were lost to the ravages of daily life. I just turned off the lights in my room and I realized that I had forgotten about the stars I put on the ceiling only days after my family moved into this house. It reminded me of moving. The act of putting up these "seemingly insignificant" stars symbolized a fresh start for me as a thirteen-year-old.

I'd had stars on my ceiling when we lived in Texas; I remember putting them there. I was too short to reach the ceiling. At seven years old, I tried to arrange them into all the various constellations I knew of and place them on areas on my ceiling comparable to their real locations in the heavens; it proved to be impractical and I dropped the idea only 20 minutes later. Still, I loved those stars and sleeping under them at night was comforting.

When I was 11, my family moved to Connecticut and due to money problems resulting from the move, we were forced to live in a rental house. Since we no longer owned the house in which we were living, I wasn't allowed to put new stars on my ceiling so when we moved again to New Jersey, I was thrilled to discover that we would being paying mortgage each month, not rent.

The stars on my ceiling remind me of Texas, the innocence of my childhood, that innocence being torn away by a move, my time spent growing up too quickly in Connecticut, my fresh start in New Jersey...even Dennis. The first time he saw the stars on my ceiling he coined the term "stargazing kiss," but I suppose that's another story for a different day.

So many memories...I need to buy stars for my ceiling at school...I miss Dennis; I had to keep reminding myself that I have faith in him and in us all day. I love him so very much.

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