Well That Didn't Work

A CONVERSATION WITH AN OLD FRIEND
Relevant text in bold.
Mikey: hey hun
Me: hey
Mikey: how are you?
Me: Life's been better. I'm actually home.
Mikey: Is everything ok?
Me: Ya, it will be, I had a family emergency so I came rushing home right after Dennis dumped me Tuesday night, so I can't even tell him what's going on.
Mikey: my poor baby, two major issues in a week.
Me: I'm used to it, lol...how are you and your sex buddy?!?! :-P
Mikey: oh, you had to ask
Me: Of course.
Mikey: she's basically with this other guy now, a guy who i think is very cool. I just wish she would've told me, that was the deal. all we ever asked of each other was honesty, and she wasn't honest. so, not just am i not getting ass anymore, but the girl i was getting it from- who is my friend above and beyond anything else- hasn't made any time for me and completely ignored the obvious truth. i mean, granted, i NEED ass. i WANT ass. but i can live without it, since we had a very simple agreement entering into our benefits thing.
Me: You think about sex way too much.
Mikey: because i'm a 19 year old guy! i'm horny 24 hours a day! duuuuuuh. Remember Chelsea? She was absoultely gorgeous. beautiful face, beautiful body, not to mention her PERFECT boobs.
Me: Good to know. I win in all the boob catagories though, plain and simple...and if I see that quote in your profile, you can throw away any chance you'll ever have of testing that assertion.
Mikey: hahaha. i wasn't planning on using it, but now that you mention it...
Me: Don't
Mikey: but, um, no. i would LOVE to keep the possible chance of seeing/touching/otherwise interacting with your boobs open. no quote, no matter how excellent, is worth that sacrifice
Me: Sorry.
Mikey: no, because i'm a horny 19 year old guy who thinks you're beautiful and loves spending time with you.
Me: Ya, but you like casual relationships, I am looking for it, you know, the real thing. I have no interest in hooking up...
Mikey: i like casual relationships but nothing can beat love. i've been in love a couple of times. i wasn't in love with my last girlfriend, but i did love her
Me: I thought I'd only be in love once. For some reason, I'm still hoping that will be the case.
Mikey: i just hope you end up with someone you're in love with who is also in love with you, whether that's dennis or anyone else on earth.
Me: Thanks, so do I. I really, really, really knew he was the one. Now I'm scared that I'm right, because he's gone now.
Mikey: there are only two possible reasons: 1) he'll be back 2) he wasn't the one but if you're right and he is the one, you'll be with him
Me: I don't believe that though. Even if we're truly right for one another, there's no magical law of the universe that says we'll be together...or even that everyone will find their "soulmate." I used to think such a thing existed, as corny as that sounds, but I don't anymore.
Mikey: well, the point is, i still feel like if i don't spend the rest of my life with her, i won't spend it with anyone but to an extent, i've moved on, i've loved again, and it's not because of chel that i wasn't in love with my last girlfriend.
Me: Wonderful, I'm still going to wish I could be with Dennis for the rest of my life in another year. I'm just so deeply in love with him that faith that I would never have had just keeps persisting. I know him, and this whole thing didn't make any sense to me. ts not like him, he's decisive and this took him 2 weeks to figure out, it was so sudden, I couldn't possibly have expected it, and he was the one that was always so convinced that we were strong enough to make it through anything. I wish I knew what happened. What he was thinking about. How he just stopped loving me.In spite of it all, I haven't felt bad about myself. I still believe I'm as beautiful as he made me feel and said I was and I'm as smart and sweet and funny.
Mikey: you ARE. you're all of those things.
Me: I've surprised myself in that...I still believe. That's the irony of it all, I can get through this because of the things that he showed me, taught me...

There was more, but that's the relevant text. As I was talking to Mike, I was also talking to a mutual friend on mine and Dennis'...

...Friend: and honey i'm sorry about you and den, i didn't know
Me: I'm sorry too...I'm worried about him actually He said he still wanted to talk, but hasn't spoken to me.
Friend: maybe it's too soon
Me: For some reason, I'm still hopeful that things will work out...I know him and this whole thing just doesn't make sense. Its not like him, its not like us and it was so suddent...but he is a decisive guy and if he says no to this than he means it...I know, but he was the one that wanted to try to be friends, he didn't ask for time. If he's upset about being apart than he should be with me, lol
Friend: yeah but who ever said boys make sense
Me: I sent him an email telling him that when he wanted to talk to call me, because I couldn't bear my life without him, even if he was just a friend, but it really makes me sad that he doesn't think its even worth trying to work out. What really kills me is that it doesn't make any sense. I know him, this isn't normal. But, what am I gonna do? I can't even be mad at him, he didn't do anything wrong.
Friend: i don't know
Me: Thanks for listening though, I appreciate it. I'll be fine, I hate it and I'm not about it and I'm still deeply in love with him, but eventually I'll be fine....so will he, but right now, I'm still worried, how could I not be about my best friend?
Friend: yeah he said he felt jaded, that's what his away message says too
Me: Jaded? What exactly does that mean? God, if he's hurting so much about this, than it wasn't the right thing to do...it never made sense.
Friend: maybe he's just tired or in the case of some people very very horny
Me: I hope he doesn't go randomly hooking up with someone, lol..he always told me if we broke up, that's what he'd do. I don't know, I never thought it was a good way to handle things and I still have hope. I know that's stupid, he can do whatever he wants. I still care about him and I would hate for him to get hurt.
Friend: yeah
Me: But someone would hook up with him, he's a sweet, attractive guy.
Friend: yeah but then it would be really random
Me: That was the point, if I recall.
Friend: well yeah
Me: God, jaded? He's always so happy...I hate this.
Friend: seems unlike him...I think maybe there's something else going on that we don't know about.
Me: This whole thing seems unlike him.

In addition, I was informed that its not just me who thinks this makes no sense. Someone (in addition to several other people) that is familiar with my relationship with Dennis confided in me that she saw us and always wanted a relationship like ours. She said we looked so perfect, this didn't make sense to her either. I reminded her that everyone wrote in Dennis' yearbook to take care of me because, apparently, they all thought we were perfect for each other too. At least I'm not alone. I posted a quote a few days ago about how when a relationship is right, someone will always say something...I've said what I can, its up to him whether he listens. I truly wish things could still work out, but I'll be able to be friends, I'd like that a lot. I don't know what it is that's making this so difficult...maybe it's because everything (and I mean everything) reminds me of Dennis. I believe a lot of it stems from the fact that I still need closure, answers to questions...this was out of nowhere, it really was...I just need to understand and everything will be fine.

Ok, so this blog entry is significantly long enough...I don't know how this clarifies things, but I'm not upset talking about him anymore. Maybe I still have faith, maybe I'm just ok with it...I don't know yet, but I won't go back to the woods.
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