Well That Didn't Work

TO BLOG OR NOT TO BLOG
I'm not sure just what I'm going to use this blog for; I don't think anyone wants to read about my daily life, so a journal/diary seems oddly pointless, but I have neither the time or inclination to write essays on current events, who am I to write about such things anyway? For now, until my muse presents me with a better idea, this will just have to be a combination of the aforementioned possibilities. I promise, my entries will be better in the future, but I wanted to make sure I had an entry for today.

WARNING! Instead of writing the events of my week (forget the destruction of all my clothes, my car accident which has rendered my mom's car undrivable, and my mom's most recent cancer surgery) this entry will be a jump off the deep end...welcome to my world.

I think I have only one great fear in life, being lonely. In that last week, all I've felt is fear, that fear. I consider myself a rational, intelligent person, but phobias and fears in general are irrational and I find myself thinking irrationally when it comes to loneliness. For example, I have an irrational fear of losing my boyfriend. He loves me, I love him, I know both of these things, but I wonder constantly if he's happy the way things are, if I'm fulfilling all of his needs. I guess it's because no one's ever asked that about me, with the exception of my family and even that's sporadic.

Continuing with the boyfriend thing, I've been feeling a lot of guilt lately about how selfish I've been with his time. I have stop calling him so much, I'll drive him crazy one day if I haven't already. He's amazing. He's reading all this right now nodding and thinking to himself "I knew that about her."

The weather is finally getting warmer, school is almost over and college is in sight. Sometimes I think it's the possibility of what could happen that keeps people where they are. Am I happy or am I hopeful?

But in the present, what's everybody been up to lately? I've tried to make plans with nearly everyone I know in the last month and no one seems to be free or interested. Now I know I'm not the only one with nothing to do at the end of senior year! C'mon guys, if you have the time to read my pathetic excuse for a blog, then you have time to call me!

So, Israel killed the new Hamas leader; that outta calm things down in the Middle East.

P.S. As I briefly mentioned before, all of my clothes were tragically destroyed last weekend. If anyone would like to make a donation to the "Samantha Desperately Needs New Clothes Fund" give me a call.
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